What Could Have Been
Well, hi. It’s been a while since I’ve had two seconds together to do anything correspondence-related, including blog. I have yet to mail out Christmas gifts to some very deserving people (sorry Tomania, Katherine, and Quen… If it’s any consolation, the gifts were bought and wrapped before the 25th… That’s the best I can offer!)
Does anyone else feel guilty for feeling happy that Christmas is officially over? Every year I say that THIS is the year that I will relax and get things done ahead of schedule so that I can enjoy this most wonderful of holidays in all proper respects; it seems, however, that THIS year I failed most miserably in doing just that. That’s not to say I didn’t enjoy the holiday. On the contrary. It’s just that I never quite got the feeling that there was any ground beneath my feet. A flying carpet, maybe. Or one of those moving floors like they have in big airports. Or quicksand. In any case, I had no desire to be flying, gliding, or sinking; I wanted to stroll at a liesurely pace, stop and smell the pine trees, and just…be. No such luck. Not much, anyway, but I can take the blame for that. In any case, the ground is stabilizing, slowly but surely, and hopefully things will be solid by…spring? Maybe? Just in time for an Easter thaw? Here’s hoping.
I’m reminded that “busy-ness” is, however, a very small problem to have. One could go so far as to call it a tremendous blessing, in many cases, provided the busy-ness has a real purpose. I may have suffered a little self-inflicted holiday stress this year, but I can assure you I suffered no hunger, cold, illness, or lonliness, either in the human or spiritual realm; I was and am always surrounded by friends and family and the love of Christ. It’s easy to forget when one’s feeling frazzled that one’s needs are met, and that this is more than many people can say at any given time. They are met in this moment, and for all eternity. If stripped of everything else, I remain complete in Him. And I get discouraged because there’s so much to do??? Shame on me.
A new year is coming. New committments, new opportunities, new challenges of every sort. New failures and, hopefully, new victories. But for now, in this final week of yet another year, I have just one resolution: to be still. Be still and know that God is who He says He is. To look back over all of the tremendous blessings of the past year and know beyond a shadow of a doubt that our good God reigns. Who knew, besides He Himself, that I would be implanted into this city and into the soil of such a thriving and loving church family this year? That I would be blessed with such a splendrous array of new friends and acquaintances right here in the city, and across the US? That I’d have a little Boston apartment and be able to actually pay my bills? That I’d be filled up with happiness and, yes, indeed, be busy about His work? I didn’t foresee such blessing. I even had other, definite ideas about what “blessing” would mean this year. I was wrong. What a mistake to limit the Lord in what we’ll accept as good for us!
On that note, I’d like to encourage you all not to plan too hard for the future. Oh, be wise and prudent, by all means, but don’t hold tightly to any one idea of happiness. Open up your arms and unclench your fists and just wait to see what the Lord will fill them with. You may be surprised, even uncertain at first, but He will not and cannot fail you. Remember that He knows not just what was or will be, but what could have been, and so trust His desire to lead you into what is best. I hope that in the coming months I might hear from many of you how the Lord has managed to surprise and delight you by leading you down unexpected paths. Until then, enjoy the rest of 2004. Be still, and God bless you.